HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself.

HEIGHT OF EXPECTA TION:
Sending INDIAN cricket team/ENGLAND football team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match...

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded
back
to you by
some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BRO WSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?"
instead of shouting
"HELP"
when u are unable to swim...

HEIGHT OF HAVING NO WORK:
You are reading such blogs.

Inside the Class:

• Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
  
• Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
  
• Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
  
• Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
  
• You, meet me behind the class (meaning AFTER the class) when I am empty
  (meaning when he is FREE).
  
• Both of u three get out of the class.
  
• Close the doors of the windows please.. I have winter in my nose today...
  
• Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver......
  
• Take 5 cm wire of any length....

About his family:

• I have two daughters. Both of them are girls....(?)

At the ground:

• All of you, stand in a straight circle.
  
• There is no wind in the balloon.

To a boy, angrily:

· I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

Giving a punishment:

• You, rotate the ground four times...
  
• You, go and under-stand the tree...
  
• You three of you, stand together separately.
  
• Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)

• Telling a student to put a picture on the wall before an exhibition "Boy, hang that picture on the wall or I will hang MYSELF "

HARD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES
[A circular was found in one of the office notice boards]

Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to
raise the efficiency of our firm.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
_________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ _
1) TRANSPORTATION :
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we
assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise .
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1
employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work .

5) TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken .
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to
pay your salary.

6) SURGERY:
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs .
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

7) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted
from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charge s
will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have
4MB connection.

Just for information , 73 % of staff will not be entitled to any salary fo r
next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months
salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere .

Every morning in Africa a lion awakens. He has only one thought on his mind: To be able to run faster than the slowest gazelle. If he cannot, he will die of hunger.

They say "A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist he who makes opportunities of his difficulties.." And I agree.do u? just check out....u too will.

The patient was salted.

The patient was assaulted.

She has good demon.

She has good demeanor.

She wears 32 bee cough.

She wears 32 B cup.

Testes are decent.

Testes are descended.

I have exchanged multiple enemas with the doctor.

I have exchanged multiple e-mails with the doctor.

She drinks pint of jean a day.

She drinks pint of gin a day.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Both pupils are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

The patient was prepped and raped in sterile fashion by the surgeon.

The patient was prepped and draped in sterile fashion by the surgeon.

The patient has no liver, no spleen, no kidney.

The patient has normal liver, normal spleen, normal kidney.

The patient's past history is positive for flea-bite his left leg

The patient's past history is positive for phlebitis, left leg.

The patient has penile keratosis.

The patient has senile keratosis.

Rectal exam revealed external thyroid.

Rectal exam revealed external hemorrhoid.

The baby was diagnosed with sick as hell anemia

The baby was diagnosed with sickle cell anemia.

Weighs 230 pounds with issues on.

Weighs 230 pounds with his shoes on.

Examination reveals a well-developed, elderly male lying in bed with a cute mistress.

Examination reveals a well-developed, elderly male lying in bed with acute distress.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

LADY: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

LADY: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

LADY: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

LADY: "$65,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

LADY: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking 950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

LADY: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too. ummmmmm"

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

!

*!

**!

***!

****!

*****!

******!

*******!

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone knows whose phone this is?

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice, and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have no money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have money and thank God are straight, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.


NOW...WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN.....on women's day!! :)

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A NORTH INDIAN GIRL AS A WIFE ********IF U R A SOUTH INDIAN MAN

1. At The Time Of Marriage, A North Indian Girl Has More Boyfriends Than Her Age.

2. Before Marriage, She Looks Almost Like A Bollywood Heroine And After Marriage You Have To Go Around Her Twice To Completely Hug Her.

3. By The Time She Professes Her Undevoted Love To You, You Are Bankrupt.Because Of The Number Of Times You Had To Take Her Out To Movie Theatres And Restaurants. And, You Wait Longingly For Her Dowry.

4. The Only Dishes She Can Think Of To Cook Is Paneer Butter Masala, Aloo Sabji, Aloo Mattar, Aloo Gobi Sabji, Aloo Paneer, That After Eating All Those Aloos And Paneers You Are Either Alone In Bed With With Chronic Cholesterol Or Chronic Gas Disorder.

5. The Only Growth That You See Later In Your Career Is The Rise In Your Monthly Phone Bill.

6. You Are Blinded By Her Love That You Think That She Is A Blonde. Only Later Do You Come To Know That It Is Because Of The Mehndi She Applies To Cover Her Grey Hair.

7. When You Come Home From Office She Is Very Busy Watching "Kyonki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi" That You Either End Up Eating Out Or Start Cooking Yourself.

8. You Are A Very "Especial" Person To Her.

9. She Always Thought That Madras Is A State And Covers All Of South India Till She Met You.

10. When She Says She Is Going To "Work Out" She Means She Is Going To"Walk Out !!"

11. She Has Greater Number Of Relatives Than The Number Of People You Have In Your Home Town .

12. The Only Two Sentences In English That She Knows Are "Thank You" And "How Are You ?"

13. She Thinks Govinda Can Dance Better Than Michael Jackson.

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A SOUTH INDIAN GIRL AS A WIFE ********IF YOU ARE A NORTH INDIAN MAN

1. Her Mother Looks Down At You Because You Didn't Study In IIT Or Madras/Anna University.

2. Her Father Starts Or Ends Every Conversation With " ... I Say..."

3. She Shudders If You Use Four Letter Words.

4. She Has Long Hair, Neatly Oiled And Braided. (The Dubai Based Oil Well Co. Will Negotite With Her On A 25 Year Contract To Extract Coconut Oil>From Her Hair).

5. She Uses The Word 'Super' As Her Only Superlative.

6. Her Name Is Another Name For A Goddess Or A Flower.

7. Her First Name Is Longer Than Your First Name, Middle Name And Surname Combined (Unless You Are From Andhra).

8. When She Mixes Milk/Curd And Rice You Are Never Sure Whether It Is For The Dog Or For Herself.

9. For Weddings, She Sports A Mini Jasmine Garden On Her Head And Wears Silk Sarees In The Madras Heat Without Looking Too Uncomfortable (Besides The Two Big Blobs Of Perspiration On Her Blouse While You Are Melting In Your Singlet.

10. She Thinks Rajnikanth Is The Sexiest Man Alive.

11. Her Favourite Cricketer Is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

12. Her Favourite Food Is Dosa Though She Has Tried North Indian Snacks Like Chats (Pronounced Like The Slang For 'Conversation').

13. She Bursts Into Songs With Her Cousins In Every Movie.

14. She Bores You By Telling You Which Raaga Each Song You Hear Is Based On.

15. You Have To Give Her Jewellery, Though She Has Already Got Plenty Of It.

16. Her Thali (Mangal Sutra) Weighs More Than The Championship Belts Worn By WWF Wrestlers.

17. She Is More Educated Than You. (This Is Really Scary !).

18. Her Father Thinks She Is Much Smarter Than You. (Double Scary.!!).

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

The National Highway
Safety Council has done
extensive testing on a newly
designed seat belt. Results
show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45%
when the belt is properly
installed. Correct installation
is illustrated as above

Bon voyage